SO excited! I had a glorious home water VBAC of my sweet rainbow baby!
Here is the birth story!:
My first child was born via emergency cesarean after a long
and intense induced labor. I struggled
with postpartum depression afterward and my views regarding birth began to
change. I was a brand new nurse working
in a newborn nursery at a busy hospital and had precepted in labor and delivery
during school. I thought I was well
informed going into my first birth, but was woefully unprepared for the level
of manipulation and coercion I experienced.
I was forced into the unwanted induction for oligohydramnios and felt
pushed along through the “birth assembly line.”
My experience as a new mom drastically affected the way I practiced
nursing at work. I was so full of
compassion for cesarean moms!
Thankfully,
after much research, prayer, networking, reading, and soul-searching, I was
able to have a natural Hypnobabies hospital midwife-attended VBAC with my
second child (9 lb 8 oz!). I was so
excited and so happy to have had a physiological birth that it changed me in a
deep and profound way. I became quite
the VBAC advocate and read everything I could about natural birth! I
knew at this point that I just had to be a certified nurse midwife one
day!
So, when I was pregnant with my
third baby, I sought out a homebirth CNM.
During our consult, she told me I was an excellent candidate for HBAC
because of my previous birth. I was so excited to begin dreaming and planning
for our home water birth!
Unfortunately, at 12 weeks, I
miscarried. I went into a very intense
but quick labor at home and delivered our tiny baby. I then hemorrhaged and wound up losing half
my blood volume and going into hypovolemic shock, requiring 5 units of blood
products, 6 other bags of fluid, and emergency surgery. I received harsh treatment in the hospital
for having a homebirth midwife. I
couldn’t believe I was being yelled at for planning a homebirth when I was in
critical condition and wasn’t even pregnant anymore! I was appalled by the hospital staff and was
amazed by the love and compassion from my midwife (what a drastic difference
between the two!).
Recovery was very difficult. I had a delayed transfusion reaction that
made me pretty sick with a rash, joint pain, and muscle aches. I had hypotension, dizziness, and anemia. I then found out, 3 months later, that I was
pregnant again (!), only to miscarry a second time. I was totally devastated and fell into deep
grief and a long season of depression.
My husband at first did not want to
try again for another baby. I was so
upset at the possibility of ending my childbearing years in loss and
heartbreak! I prayed and prayed and
pleaded with God to change either my husband’s heart or my heart so that we
could be on the same page. I didn’t want
to resent my loving and wonderful husband for not wanting more kids! After several long months, he realized that I
desperately wanted another child more than how much he thought he didn’t want
one, and he told me we could start trying!
I was so elated!!!
Well, one month turned into four,
and I had not conceived. I began to
doubt and get angry. I was bitter and
jealous. What was God doing?? What was his plan for us?? I desperately called out to God! I prayed for and longed for this child!!!
When I finally got my big fat
positive pregnancy test in July, I was so relieved and excited, but also
anxious. I tried to release all worry
and fear and to just enjoy every day I had with this new baby. By this time, a year had passed since the
first miscarriage.
This new pregnancy was amazing. I felt great—full of joy and new life! This was my best pregnancy. I loved my prenatal care with my fabulous
midwife! I felt so loved and adored. I
was so in awe of this new baby inside of me, and I didn’t feel at liberty to
complain about anything but to just cherish everything! I really tried to take extra amazing care of
myself through diet and exercise (and in my spiritual life in my relationship
with God) so that I could grow a wonderfully perfect little baby!
At this point in my nursing career,
I was also an IBCLC (lactation consultant) and attended deliveries as the
newborn nurse. I was privileged to
witness hundreds of births. I love my
job, but it made things a little tricky regarding homebirth. It is a well known fact that most hospital OB staff don’t approve of
homebirth and, quite frankly, think homebirth moms are weird! Since this was a rainbow baby for me, and I
needed to stay as positive as I possibly could, I chose to not publically tell
people that I was planning a homebirth.
I really wanted to shield myself from negativity.
So… fast
forward to 41 weeks, 1 day pregnant!
This was now officially my longest pregnancy. I felt amazing physically and was loving how
round and full of life my body was. I
adored the little baby inside of me. She
has always been so gentle and calm.
Emotionally, however, I was starting to get very anxious about going
into labor. I assumed I would go about a
week late, but now, at 8 days post EDC, I still had no “real” signs of labor
starting. (no mucous or bloody show,
etc). I was getting really antsy. My midwife stopped in for a home visit that
night and we had “the talk” about what to do if I didn’t give birth soon. Standard of care in this area is to have VBAC
moms have a repeat cesarean at 41 weeks if labor hasn’t started. I was already beyond that. At the hospital where she has privileges, they
will not allow chemical induction in a mom with a prior cesarean for fear of
rupture. I had just had a biophysical profile done and
got an 8/8, so we knew the baby was doing well.
The midwife told me that the spiritual midwife in her trusted that the
baby and I were doing well and that my body knew what it needed to do. However, she needed to be cautious to not
only keep us safe, but to protect homebirth in our community. I totally understood what she meant and had
been fully expecting to have this talk with her, so it didn’t come as any
surprise. She gently let me know that we
could say that I refused the repeat cesarean at 41 weeks, but we’d have to
schedule it for 42 weeks. We talked
about natural induction techniques (acupuncture, sex, nipple stim, etc.) and
both agreed that I had to get this baby out!
I then had her do a gentle stretch and sweep.
The next
day, March 29 (Good Friday), I woke up feeling pretty disappointed. I prayed a lot and spent time in
scripture. I sent emails to my mom, MIL,
and sisters so they could pray for labor.
The very thought of going from a home water birth to scheduled cesarean
just blew my mind!
I called my
friend Jodie who is a chiropractor and she invited me over to get
adjusted. She also hit multiple
acupressure spots. It felt great, but I
was still upset about the circumstances, so I shut down when I came home and
didn’t feel like doing anything. I slept
all afternoon.
I woke up at about 4:30 and sat
down on my birth ball. My husband came
and sat in a chair in front of me and put his hands on my belly. He had a very sympathetic look on his face to
let me know that he understood how disappointed I was. We decided we’d go for a walk with the kids to
the playground in a little bit. I
blurted out: “Oh, God, just give me one strong contraction so that I have a
little hope!” Just then… with my
husband’s hands still on my belly, I had a rather strong contraction! He said: “whoa.” It was awesome. Haha.
4:40pm.
I waddled to the dining room and
sat at the table to read my Bible again while my husband finished making
dinner. 4:50, another contraction. 4:59, another contraction. 5:02, another contraction. 5:05 another contraction! WOW! I
texted my mom and said: “were you planning on going to the Good Friday service
tonight? I’m having contractions. Maybe you shouldn’t go.” (she was going to be my babysitter for the
kids). At 5:12, I texted my midwife:
“Strongish contractions just went from every 10 min to every 2 min… about 45
seconds long… maybe the beginning of something?
I will keep you updated!”
Things just kept going. Every 2-3 minutes, I’d get another rush. I finished eating dinner (wild rice, greens,
and tilapia) and told my husband I didn’t think I felt up to going on our
walk. We decided to put in a half hour
Easter movie, the Hanna Barbera Bible Adventures cartoon, to watch with the
kids. I couldn’t sit still to
watch. I had to get up and move!
At 6:07, I texted my birth team and
told them: “Tonight might be the night.
Strongish contractions every three minutes for the last hour.” I was fortunate to have two very close friends
that have had homebirths and who I knew would be supportive. I planned on having my midwife, her
assistant, and my friend Meghan and sister in law Annie at the birth. I hoped that my friends could photograph and
play hostess during labor so that my husband could pay full attention to me.
At 6:53, my husband, Isaac, called
my mom and dad to come pick up the kids.
They were only a block away, so they got here at about 7. I was laying on my bed, listening to my
Hypnobabies Easy First Stage when my mom came in to check on me. I had a very strong contraction while she was
there and at that point, there was NO DOUBT that this baby was coming
soon! She told me she loved me and then
rounded up the kids to take back to her house.
Things kicked up in intensity. At 7:07, I texted my midwife, Khristeena:
“this is definitely labor.” She called
right away and told me she was wrapping things up with another client and would
come by shortly after. She would send
her assistant over right away.
Apparently, my husband also called his sister Annie at that point and
told her to come. A short while later, I
realized that nobody had updated Meghan yet, so in between contractions, at
7:54 pm, I texted her: “you can come any time.”
Lou Ann, the amazing midwife
assistant, was the first to arrive. She
found me laboring in my little “labor cave” (AKA our tiny master bathroom) and
asked if she could do anything for me. Lou
Ann was so awesome! During the next
rush, she moaned with me in a deep, low voice and that was so comforting to
me. She also knew exactly what spot on
my back to press for counterpressure. She
asked me where I was feeling the contractions, and I said “all in the
front.” She said: “thank God for that!”
and I knew she meant “hurray for no back labor!” I am so happy that this baby girl was in a
perfect position for birth!
Annie and Meghan soon arrived and
were very respectful of a quiet, peaceful laboring space. They made themselves useful but did not
interfere at all with my concentration.
I had been a little nervous of how I would feel being “watched,” but, to
be honest, I didn’t even think about it during the actual labor, and it was so
comforting to know that my friends who love me and care for me were able to
witness this amazing experience. They
would occasionally offer words of support and encouragement. Annie brewed me some iced pregnancy tea for
after labor and brought me some delicious cookies. Meghan brought a balloon and flowers and
chocolate truffles and went to town taking pictures to document this awesome
experience! I am so grateful for them.
When Khristeena, the midwife,
arrived shortly thereafter, she found me in my “labor cave” moaning and swaying
through contractions with my dear husband providing counterpressure on my
back. It really helped to have some
light touch and massage on my belly during contractions. Khristeena provided such gentle touch and
breathed with me during the next few rushes.
What a calming presence she has!
I don’t know how she does it, but just her being near me really helps me
to relax!
Finally, sometime after 9, the
birth tub was ready for me and I eagerly got in. I had changed into a bikini top and bottom,
but quickly decided the bikini bottom was WAY too uncomfortable to wear and I
hastily threw them off! The baby was so
low, that anything pressing on my lower belly was horribly uncomfortable… so
who cares about modesty in birth anyway, right?
I got in the water and WOW!!!! It
felt so good. The warmth was incredibly
relaxing. I felt very light and buoyant
and could easily move and change positions.
We had rented a La Bassine birth pool; it has an inflatable floor which
offered plenty of cushion for my legs and knees. It was just the right depth for me (I’m
5’6”). My only complaint was that I
wished it was a tiny bit smaller of a pool—I wished I could feel a little
cozier and more “grounded” inside.
I loved the water and really tried
to relax all my muscles and visualize opening up. I had my Hypnobabies tracks playing in the
background. I had my “lightswitch” in
the “center” position the whole time. I
mostly tuned out Kerry Tuschoff’s voice, but every now and then I would catch
an affirmation or statement on the recording that would remind me to relax,
keep my pelvic floor muscles loose and open, that I was safe, and that I would
soon meet my baby!
I kept trying to visualize my
“hypnoanesthesia” around my baby. With
most pressure waves, I would say to myself: “Peace, peace, peace. More and more hypnoanesthesia surrounding my
baby with every breath I exhale. With
each powerful pressure wave, I become twice as relaxed and comfortable. Each pressure wave dilates me twice as open
as before. Open, Open, Open.” I found that when I said this out loud, it
kept my jaw from tensing up which helped to keep the rest of me loose,
too. I couldn’t yell if I was
whispering. I have to admit, though,
that it was really hard for me to continue using my hypnosis during this
labor. This was my second Hypnobabies birth,
and I feel like this time it was much harder to stay relaxed.
I had to pee really bad, and I
tried to just go in the pool, but my body had a hard time with that! So, I got out of the pool to the toilet and
had a few contractions there. Getting
out of the pool was so awful. I felt ten
times heavier. I was SUPER surprised to
find myself involuntarily pushing at the end of contractions when I was on the
toilet. Things were moving so quickly
(yet not quickly enough!). I thought to
myself: “it won’t be long now!”
Khristeena asked me if I wanted to check myself to see if I still had
cervix left. I felt inside and was
horribly disappointed to feel that I still had a lot of dilation to go.
I asked Khristeena to check me, too, and so I
laid back on the bed (which was incredibly painful during contractions) and she checked
me. I was only 6 cm, 80%, -1. This was 10:20pm. I have no idea why I felt so pushy
already. With my older daughter, I had a
cervical lip for an hour and didn’t feel at all pushy until I was fully 10
cm. After the birth, Khristeena told me
that she didn’t like that I was pushing so early, because it could have put
additional pressure on my old cesarean scar.
The baby must have just been in a position that caused me to have pushy
sensations.
Khristeena asked me what I was
thinking after she told me I was 6cm dilated and I said: “Just that I still
have a lot of work to do.” “No, Sigrid,
you are doing so well!” I tried to
remember all those multips at the hospital that go from 5 or 6 cms to fully
super quickly and just kept visualizing opening up. I knew that once the cervix gets about
halfway, dilation can be a lot faster after that. I hoped that would be the case for me! I really tried to not be discouraged.
I also tried so hard to breathe
through the contractions and not push.
Some contractions, I’d be fine, and not have to push at all, and others
were impossible to not push a little bit.
Khristeena wanted me to stay out of the pool and walk around the house
for a little bit, probably to speed things up so I didn’t push on an undilated
cervix! It felt so awful to be out of
the pool. I walked around for a bit,
stopping every few minutes to grab on to Isaac to cope through a wave. Swaying, moaning, “awwwwing” in a low
guttural voice. I was almost embarrassed
with how loud I was being. I remembered
being a very quiet birther during my first VBAC. I thought a few times that I was failing with
my hypnosis and really tried to regain deep relaxation. It really was amazing how much concentration
it took to stay relaxed!
I eventually found myself in the
main bathroom of the house on the toilet again.
Isaac sat in front of me. His
presence was very soothing. I was
beginning to feel very overwhelmed.
Khristeena found us in the bathroom and said that sometimes it is good
to rest, but I should really keep moving.
She began listening to fetal heart tones more frequently. She encouraged me to eat a little something,
so I had half a banana and drank some emergen-c.
I made my way back through the
living room to the kitchen and had a very strong and intense contraction and
“OHHHH”ed really loudly through it.
“What was that sensation you just had?” Khristeena asked. “I don’t know!” I exclaimed. Then, I felt something hanging in between my
legs. “There’s something in my vagina.”
“It’s your mucous plug!” Khristeena
said as she wiped it away. I had been
looking for that plug every day for weeks before labor and I didn’t have a hint
of mucous. Here it was, very far into
labor, and the whole dang thing comes out at once!
“Can I get back into the birth pool
now?” I asked. Apparently, it had gotten
too cold, as the cover didn’t fit on the pool when it was filled with water
(the water pushed the sides out and it was already a pretty snug fit to begin
with). So, I had to wait a bit before
warm water could be added again. I found
my way back to my labor cave (master bath) and hung onto the door post for dear
life during the next few rushes. “I
can’t… I just can’t” I started to say. I
REALLY hoped I was entering transition, because I couldn’t imagine laboring
like this for much longer.
Finally, the water was ready. I think it was about 11pm, but I don’t know
for sure, because I was intentionally trying to not stare at the clock! Hypnobabies affirms that “every 20 minutes
will feel like only 5 minutes” and I just kept holding on to that! I had lost all track of time. I got in the water and the warmth felt great
at first, but I was soon too warm. Cold
washcloths were quickly procured by my birth team and placed on my forehead and
neck. I got very nauseous and a basin
was placed in front of me. Thankfully, I
didn’t vomit, but I dry-heaved several dozen times!
Sure enough, my contractions
started to space out again. I was
grateful for the rest time in between. I
tried not to think about how much longer this would take. Little did I know that I was almost done!
Maybe 11:05pm, my curiosity got the
best of me and I checked my cervix… I’m not the most experienced cervix-checker,
but my best guess would be about 8cms. I
said “I still have quite a bit of cervix, but I can’t stop pushing!” The baby’s head was bulging right behind the
cervix. A few strong contractions later
and I checked again—just a tiny lip!!!
The next contraction came powerfully and I checked again and all I could
feel was her head!! That was the most
amazing and empowering thing about this birth—to feel my cervix melt away like
that at the end. It really helped me to
visualize what was happening and I think it helped me to open up so quickly!
“Oh, she’s going to come!” I said and
Khristeena told me I was doing beautifully.
“Soften your eyebrows, soften your jaw,” she said quietly.
So… then I REALLY got the urge to
push and I did. “Lots of gentle blowing
and breathing right now,” Khristeena reminded me. Not much happened. I realized that the baby was behind my pubic
bone and Khristeena told me “maybe you should think about changing
positions.” I had been sitting upright
and leaning against the back of the tub and I changed to leaning forward in a
kind of hands and knees position, but more upright, with my arms straight in
between my splayed knees. I pushed again
and felt the baby come waaaay down. I
felt inside and felt her head almost crowning, but as soon as I touched her,
she flew back inside about two inches! I bet the intact membranes sling-shotted her up. That was the
craziest feeling!
I had a few minutes rest in between rushes and
Khristeena listened for heart tones. I
pushed again with the next contraction and she came right back down and I felt
a pop. “My water just broke.” I pushed
again a few times during that surge and I yelled “Oh my GOSH!” at the top of my
lungs as the baby moved down. I felt the
“ring of fire” very briefly. It wasn’t
nearly as bad in the water as it was during my first vaginal birth (still
horribly uncomfortable, though! Haha). I
said “Oh, she’s crowning!” and then “video camera!” (haha) and I was assured
that it was already on. :)
“I’m stretching! Oh, she’s right
there.”
With the next contraction, I made a
ton of moaning/grunting/yelling/primal noises and pushed her out to her ears. “Oh her HEAD’S OUT!” I yelled. I took some deep breaths and tried to relax,
telling myself the worst part was over.
I was wrong, haha. The shoulders were the hardest part! After a minute, with the next contraction, I
pushed and said “Ow! Come on!” and felt her shoulders pop out and then it
seemed like she was the longest baby in the history of the planet because I
just kept feeling more and more baby coming out! She was born at 11:27pm—only an hour since I
was 6cms, and only 9 minutes since I was fully dilated!
“Ohhhh… Oh, where is she?” I
flipped around to a sitting position from hands and knees and looked around for
my baby. It was dark and the water got
“inky” as she was born from a gush of blood (from my tear) and I couldn’t see
her right away! I felt around and was
ELATED to grab hold of my baby and bring her up on my abdomen. I unwrapped a nuchal cord and brought her up
closer to my chest. She coughed a few
times and just looked right up at me with her wide blue eyes.
“Oh, hi honey, good girl!” She was so calm and peaceful, looking around
the room, coughing every now and then.
My friends started a round of applause for her. I thought I would recognize her in a way, but
she looked so different than I imagined.
She was beautiful—strawberry blonde hair and bright blue eyes! I just fell right in love. After about a minute, she let out her first
lusty cry—the most beautiful sound!
Everyone “ooh”ed and “ahh”ed over her.
I was so relieved to be holding her safely in my arms!!!
“I love you. What a good girl! Look how small you are!” I was so shocked at her “petiteness.” My first two children were both 9.5 pounds,
and this little one was obviously much smaller than that!
“I just had a baby! Oh my gosh, you are so cute! Praise the LORD! Look what Jesus made in my tummy! You are such a miracle!”
The baby started coughing and
bringing up some bubbles from her belly, and we just gently wiped them
away. “So gentle. If we were in the hospital, I’d be messing
with you!” This is one of the main
reasons why I chose homebirth. As a
newborn nurse, I know how annoying all the newborn procedures are for babies. I love that my baby was born so peacefully
and was able to transition smoothly without interference.
We draped a blanket over her and
then I offered my breast to her. She
took it almost immediately and began nursing.
Isaac and Khristeena began to drain some of the water out of the tub as
our baby—Shiloh Lark—and I snuggled and nursed.
After about 12 minutes, Khristeena
asked if my cord was still pulsing. I
felt and it was. Three minutes after
that, I started to get very crampy and I had a gush of blood from the placenta
separating. “Can I deliver the placenta
in the water?” I asked. I seem to
remember that it just kind of slid out after my last birth, but this time, it
took a little more effort. I pushed a
few times, and felt very relieved when it was out. Apparently, I had a “Duncan” presentation,
where the maternal “sticky” side presents first. Khristeena put the placenta in a glass bowl
and set it floating on the water next to us.
It was so neat to see my baby’s home from the last 9 months. I am just so in awe of God’s design! It is truly miraculous.
Annie brought me a chocolate chip
cookie and the most delicious iced tea ever.
What a nice reward!
Isaac clamped and cut the cord 51
minutes after birth.
After a nice, relaxing snuggle in
the tub, it was time to get out and into the bed. The baby went straight from my arms to her
daddy’s arms as I was getting resettled.
What a lucky baby to have had such a gentle entrance into the world! Her head was perfect—no bruising or swelling
or molding whatsoever!
Khristeena checked me and told me I
had only a small tear on the posterior wall of my vagina, which I decided to
leave alone and not have stitched. My
perineum was completely intact, which blows my mind, considering how fast I
pushed her out at the end.
The next few hours were passed
blissfully snuggled in bed with the softest, fuzziest little baby who nursed
like a pro and relaxed peacefully next to her mama and papa. Her name, Shiloh, means “peace” or “tranquil”
in Hebrew, and that suits her very well!
Shiloh, the Biblical city, was the center of Israelite worship before the
temple was built in Jerusalem, and my Shiloh is definitely a reason to praise
God! Lark, her middle name, is because
the songbird symbolizes springtime, joy, cheerfulness, and the coming of a new
day in literature. It seemed like a
fitting name for my sweet rainbow baby!
After a few hours, it was time for
the newborn exam! My “small” baby girl
was 8 lb 12 oz, and 20.5.” She looked
like a 40 week baby, with lots of vernix on her skin. She didn’t look overdue at all. She just needed an extra week to ripen. :)
After I got up and used the
bathroom a few times, ate a sandwich, and it was obvious that both baby and mom
were doing well, my amazing birth team packed up and headed home. It was about 2:30am. I was WAY too excited to go to bed, so we
looked through birth photos and watched our birth video right away. Isaac laughed at me at one point for the
horrible grimace on my face as I watched myself giving birth on the video! What a surreal experience to actually watch
your own body working so powerfully to bring a baby earthside!
It was honestly the most perfect
birth that I could have imagined.
Powerful, strong, efficient, complication-free. Totally physiologic. Mama-led and empowering! What a blessing! Less than 7 hours total from first
contraction to birth, and only about 3.5 hours of active/hard labor.
I am so happy to have met such a
fantastic midwife and to have had such supportive friends. This was the TOTAL OPPOSITE of my cesarean
birth in so many ways. Instead of
feeling stripped of power, I was given total autonomy. I was loved, cared for, and respected. Who can ask for more?
Praise God for his hand of
blessing, protection, and peace on this birth.
Words can’t even describe how happy I am with how lovely this birth
turned out to be! I am so incredibly
overjoyed to have had this awesome experience.
While I don’t feel the need to ever go through it again (LOL), I will
always look back with overwhelming happiness at my home water VBAC!
