Shiloh Lark's Birth Story!!!

SO excited!  I had a glorious home water VBAC of my sweet rainbow baby!

Here is the birth story!:

My first child was born via emergency cesarean after a long and intense induced labor.  I struggled with postpartum depression afterward and my views regarding birth began to change.  I was a brand new nurse working in a newborn nursery at a busy hospital and had precepted in labor and delivery during school.  I thought I was well informed going into my first birth, but was woefully unprepared for the level of manipulation and coercion I experienced.  I was forced into the unwanted induction for oligohydramnios and felt pushed along through the “birth assembly line.”  My experience as a new mom drastically affected the way I practiced nursing at work.  I was so full of compassion for cesarean moms!

            Thankfully, after much research, prayer, networking, reading, and soul-searching, I was able to have a natural Hypnobabies hospital midwife-attended VBAC with my second child (9 lb 8 oz!).  I was so excited and so happy to have had a physiological birth that it changed me in a deep and profound way.  I became quite the VBAC advocate and read everything I could about natural birth!  I knew at this point that I just had to be a certified nurse midwife one day! 

            So, when I was pregnant with my third baby, I sought out a homebirth CNM.  During our consult, she told me I was an excellent candidate for HBAC because of my previous birth. I was so excited to begin dreaming and planning for our home water birth!

            Unfortunately, at 12 weeks, I miscarried.  I went into a very intense but quick labor at home and delivered our tiny baby.  I then hemorrhaged and wound up losing half my blood volume and going into hypovolemic shock, requiring 5 units of blood products, 6 other bags of fluid, and emergency surgery.  I received harsh treatment in the hospital for having a homebirth midwife.  I couldn’t believe I was being yelled at for planning a homebirth when I was in critical condition and wasn’t even pregnant anymore!  I was appalled by the hospital staff and was amazed by the love and compassion from my midwife (what a drastic difference between the two!).

            Recovery was very difficult.  I had a delayed transfusion reaction that made me pretty sick with a rash, joint pain, and muscle aches.  I had hypotension, dizziness, and anemia.  I then found out, 3 months later, that I was pregnant again (!), only to miscarry a second time.  I was totally devastated and fell into deep grief and a long season of depression.

            My husband at first did not want to try again for another baby.  I was so upset at the possibility of ending my childbearing years in loss and heartbreak!  I prayed and prayed and pleaded with God to change either my husband’s heart or my heart so that we could be on the same page.  I didn’t want to resent my loving and wonderful husband for not wanting more kids!  After several long months, he realized that I desperately wanted another child more than how much he thought he didn’t want one, and he told me we could start trying!  I was so elated!!!

            Well, one month turned into four, and I had not conceived.  I began to doubt and get angry.  I was bitter and jealous.  What was God doing??  What was his plan for us??  I desperately called out to God!  I prayed for and longed for this child!!!

            When I finally got my big fat positive pregnancy test in July, I was so relieved and excited, but also anxious.  I tried to release all worry and fear and to just enjoy every day I had with this new baby.  By this time, a year had passed since the first miscarriage.

            This new pregnancy was amazing.  I felt great—full of joy and new life!  This was my best pregnancy.  I loved my prenatal care with my fabulous midwife! I felt so loved and adored.  I was so in awe of this new baby inside of me, and I didn’t feel at liberty to complain about anything but to just cherish everything!  I really tried to take extra amazing care of myself through diet and exercise (and in my spiritual life in my relationship with God) so that I could grow a wonderfully perfect little baby!

            At this point in my nursing career, I was also an IBCLC (lactation consultant) and attended deliveries as the newborn nurse.  I was privileged to witness hundreds of births.  I love my job, but it made things a little tricky regarding homebirth.  It is a well known fact that most hospital OB staff don’t approve of homebirth and, quite frankly, think homebirth moms are weird!  Since this was a rainbow baby for me, and I needed to stay as positive as I possibly could, I chose to not publically tell people that I was planning a homebirth.  I really wanted to shield myself from negativity. 

            So… fast forward to 41 weeks, 1 day pregnant!  This was now officially my longest pregnancy.  I felt amazing physically and was loving how round and full of life my body was.  I adored the little baby inside of me.  She has always been so gentle and calm.  Emotionally, however, I was starting to get very anxious about going into labor.  I assumed I would go about a week late, but now, at 8 days post EDC, I still had no “real” signs of labor starting.  (no mucous or bloody show, etc).  I was getting really antsy.  My midwife stopped in for a home visit that night and we had “the talk” about what to do if I didn’t give birth soon.  Standard of care in this area is to have VBAC moms have a repeat cesarean at 41 weeks if labor hasn’t started.  I was already beyond that.  At the hospital where she has privileges, they will not allow chemical induction in a mom with a prior cesarean for fear of rupture.   I had just had a biophysical profile done and got an 8/8, so we knew the baby was doing well.  The midwife told me that the spiritual midwife in her trusted that the baby and I were doing well and that my body knew what it needed to do.  However, she needed to be cautious to not only keep us safe, but to protect homebirth in our community.  I totally understood what she meant and had been fully expecting to have this talk with her, so it didn’t come as any surprise.  She gently let me know that we could say that I refused the repeat cesarean at 41 weeks, but we’d have to schedule it for 42 weeks.  We talked about natural induction techniques (acupuncture, sex, nipple stim, etc.) and both agreed that I had to get this baby out!  I then had her do a gentle stretch and sweep. 

            The next day, March 29 (Good Friday), I woke up feeling pretty disappointed.  I prayed a lot and spent time in scripture.  I sent emails to my mom, MIL, and sisters so they could pray for labor.  The very thought of going from a home water birth to scheduled cesarean just blew my mind!

            I called my friend Jodie who is a chiropractor and she invited me over to get adjusted.  She also hit multiple acupressure spots.  It felt great, but I was still upset about the circumstances, so I shut down when I came home and didn’t feel like doing anything.  I slept all afternoon.

I woke up at about 4:30 and sat down on my birth ball.  My husband came and sat in a chair in front of me and put his hands on my belly.  He had a very sympathetic look on his face to let me know that he understood how disappointed I was.  We decided we’d go for a walk with the kids to the playground in a little bit.  I blurted out: “Oh, God, just give me one strong contraction so that I have a little hope!”  Just then… with my husband’s hands still on my belly, I had a rather strong contraction!  He said: “whoa.” It was awesome.  Haha.  4:40pm. 

I waddled to the dining room and sat at the table to read my Bible again while my husband finished making dinner.  4:50, another contraction.  4:59, another contraction.  5:02, another contraction.  5:05 another contraction!  WOW!  I texted my mom and said: “were you planning on going to the Good Friday service tonight?  I’m having contractions.  Maybe you shouldn’t go.”  (she was going to be my babysitter for the kids).  At 5:12, I texted my midwife: “Strongish contractions just went from every 10 min to every 2 min… about 45 seconds long… maybe the beginning of something?  I will keep you updated!”

Things just kept going.  Every 2-3 minutes, I’d get another rush.  I finished eating dinner (wild rice, greens, and tilapia) and told my husband I didn’t think I felt up to going on our walk.  We decided to put in a half hour Easter movie, the Hanna Barbera Bible Adventures cartoon, to watch with the kids.  I couldn’t sit still to watch.  I had to get up and move! 

At 6:07, I texted my birth team and told them: “Tonight might be the night.  Strongish contractions every three minutes for the last hour.”  I was fortunate to have two very close friends that have had homebirths and who I knew would be supportive.  I planned on having my midwife, her assistant, and my friend Meghan and sister in law Annie at the birth.  I hoped that my friends could photograph and play hostess during labor so that my husband could pay full attention to me. 

At 6:53, my husband, Isaac, called my mom and dad to come pick up the kids.  They were only a block away, so they got here at about 7.  I was laying on my bed, listening to my Hypnobabies Easy First Stage when my mom came in to check on me.  I had a very strong contraction while she was there and at that point, there was NO DOUBT that this baby was coming soon!  She told me she loved me and then rounded up the kids to take back to her house.

Things kicked up in intensity.  At 7:07, I texted my midwife, Khristeena: “this is definitely labor.”  She called right away and told me she was wrapping things up with another client and would come by shortly after.  She would send her assistant over right away.  Apparently, my husband also called his sister Annie at that point and told her to come.  A short while later, I realized that nobody had updated Meghan yet, so in between contractions, at 7:54 pm, I texted her: “you can come any time.”

Lou Ann, the amazing midwife assistant, was the first to arrive.  She found me laboring in my little “labor cave” (AKA our tiny master bathroom) and asked if she could do anything for me.  Lou Ann was so awesome!  During the next rush, she moaned with me in a deep, low voice and that was so comforting to me.  She also knew exactly what spot on my back to press for counterpressure.  She asked me where I was feeling the contractions, and I said “all in the front.”  She said: “thank God for that!” and I knew she meant “hurray for no back labor!”  I am so happy that this baby girl was in a perfect position for birth!

Annie and Meghan soon arrived and were very respectful of a quiet, peaceful laboring space.  They made themselves useful but did not interfere at all with my concentration.  I had been a little nervous of how I would feel being “watched,” but, to be honest, I didn’t even think about it during the actual labor, and it was so comforting to know that my friends who love me and care for me were able to witness this amazing experience.  They would occasionally offer words of support and encouragement.  Annie brewed me some iced pregnancy tea for after labor and brought me some delicious cookies.  Meghan brought a balloon and flowers and chocolate truffles and went to town taking pictures to document this awesome experience!  I am so grateful for them.

When Khristeena, the midwife, arrived shortly thereafter, she found me in my “labor cave” moaning and swaying through contractions with my dear husband providing counterpressure on my back.  It really helped to have some light touch and massage on my belly during contractions.  Khristeena provided such gentle touch and breathed with me during the next few rushes.  What a calming presence she has!  I don’t know how she does it, but just her being near me really helps me to relax!

Finally, sometime after 9, the birth tub was ready for me and I eagerly got in.  I had changed into a bikini top and bottom, but quickly decided the bikini bottom was WAY too uncomfortable to wear and I hastily threw them off!  The baby was so low, that anything pressing on my lower belly was horribly uncomfortable… so who cares about modesty in birth anyway, right?  I got in the water and WOW!!!!  It felt so good.  The warmth was incredibly relaxing.  I felt very light and buoyant and could easily move and change positions.  We had rented a La Bassine birth pool; it has an inflatable floor which offered plenty of cushion for my legs and knees.  It was just the right depth for me (I’m 5’6”).  My only complaint was that I wished it was a tiny bit smaller of a pool—I wished I could feel a little cozier and more “grounded” inside. 

I loved the water and really tried to relax all my muscles and visualize opening up.  I had my Hypnobabies tracks playing in the background.  I had my “lightswitch” in the “center” position the whole time.  I mostly tuned out Kerry Tuschoff’s voice, but every now and then I would catch an affirmation or statement on the recording that would remind me to relax, keep my pelvic floor muscles loose and open, that I was safe, and that I would soon meet my baby! 

I kept trying to visualize my “hypnoanesthesia” around my baby.  With most pressure waves, I would say to myself: “Peace, peace, peace.  More and more hypnoanesthesia surrounding my baby with every breath I exhale.  With each powerful pressure wave, I become twice as relaxed and comfortable.  Each pressure wave dilates me twice as open as before.  Open, Open, Open.”  I found that when I said this out loud, it kept my jaw from tensing up which helped to keep the rest of me loose, too.  I couldn’t yell if I was whispering.  I have to admit, though, that it was really hard for me to continue using my hypnosis during this labor.  This was my second Hypnobabies birth, and I feel like this time it was much harder to stay relaxed. 

I had to pee really bad, and I tried to just go in the pool, but my body had a hard time with that!  So, I got out of the pool to the toilet and had a few contractions there.  Getting out of the pool was so awful.  I felt ten times heavier.  I was SUPER surprised to find myself involuntarily pushing at the end of contractions when I was on the toilet.  Things were moving so quickly (yet not quickly enough!).  I thought to myself: “it won’t be long now!”  Khristeena asked me if I wanted to check myself to see if I still had cervix left.  I felt inside and was horribly disappointed to feel that I still had a lot of dilation to go.



 I asked Khristeena to check me, too, and so I laid back on the bed (which was incredibly painful during contractions) and she checked me.  I was only 6 cm, 80%, -1.  This was 10:20pm.  I have no idea why I felt so pushy already.  With my older daughter, I had a cervical lip for an hour and didn’t feel at all pushy until I was fully 10 cm.  After the birth, Khristeena told me that she didn’t like that I was pushing so early, because it could have put additional pressure on my old cesarean scar.  The baby must have just been in a position that caused me to have pushy sensations. 

Khristeena asked me what I was thinking after she told me I was 6cm dilated and I said: “Just that I still have a lot of work to do.”  “No, Sigrid, you are doing so well!”   I tried to remember all those multips at the hospital that go from 5 or 6 cms to fully super quickly and just kept visualizing opening up.  I knew that once the cervix gets about halfway, dilation can be a lot faster after that.  I hoped that would be the case for me!  I really tried to not be discouraged. 

I also tried so hard to breathe through the contractions and not push.  Some contractions, I’d be fine, and not have to push at all, and others were impossible to not push a little bit.  Khristeena wanted me to stay out of the pool and walk around the house for a little bit, probably to speed things up so I didn’t push on an undilated cervix!  It felt so awful to be out of the pool.  I walked around for a bit, stopping every few minutes to grab on to Isaac to cope through a wave.  Swaying, moaning, “awwwwing” in a low guttural voice.  I was almost embarrassed with how loud I was being.  I remembered being a very quiet birther during my first VBAC.  I thought a few times that I was failing with my hypnosis and really tried to regain deep relaxation.  It really was amazing how much concentration it took to stay relaxed!

I eventually found myself in the main bathroom of the house on the toilet again.  Isaac sat in front of me.  His presence was very soothing.  I was beginning to feel very overwhelmed.  Khristeena found us in the bathroom and said that sometimes it is good to rest, but I should really keep moving.  She began listening to fetal heart tones more frequently.   She encouraged me to eat a little something, so I had half a banana and drank some emergen-c. 

I made my way back through the living room to the kitchen and had a very strong and intense contraction and “OHHHH”ed really loudly through it.  “What was that sensation you just had?” Khristeena asked.  “I don’t know!” I exclaimed.  Then, I felt something hanging in between my legs. “There’s something in my vagina.” 

“It’s your mucous plug!” Khristeena said as she wiped it away.  I had been looking for that plug every day for weeks before labor and I didn’t have a hint of mucous.  Here it was, very far into labor, and the whole dang thing comes out at once!

“Can I get back into the birth pool now?” I asked.  Apparently, it had gotten too cold, as the cover didn’t fit on the pool when it was filled with water (the water pushed the sides out and it was already a pretty snug fit to begin with).  So, I had to wait a bit before warm water could be added again.  I found my way back to my labor cave (master bath) and hung onto the door post for dear life during the next few rushes.  “I can’t… I just can’t” I started to say.  I REALLY hoped I was entering transition, because I couldn’t imagine laboring like this for much longer.

Finally, the water was ready.  I think it was about 11pm, but I don’t know for sure, because I was intentionally trying to not stare at the clock!  Hypnobabies affirms that “every 20 minutes will feel like only 5 minutes” and I just kept holding on to that!  I had lost all track of time.  I got in the water and the warmth felt great at first, but I was soon too warm.  Cold washcloths were quickly procured by my birth team and placed on my forehead and neck.  I got very nauseous and a basin was placed in front of me.  Thankfully, I didn’t vomit, but I dry-heaved several dozen times!

Sure enough, my contractions started to space out again.  I was grateful for the rest time in between.  I tried not to think about how much longer this would take.  Little did I know that I was almost done!

Maybe 11:05pm, my curiosity got the best of me and I checked my cervix… I’m not the most experienced cervix-checker, but my best guess would be about 8cms.  I said “I still have quite a bit of cervix, but I can’t stop pushing!”  The baby’s head was bulging right behind the cervix.  A few strong contractions later and I checked again—just a tiny lip!!!  The next contraction came powerfully and I checked again and all I could feel was her head!!  That was the most amazing and empowering thing about this birth—to feel my cervix melt away like that at the end.  It really helped me to visualize what was happening and I think it helped me to open up so quickly!

“Oh, she’s going to come!” I said and Khristeena told me I was doing beautifully.  “Soften your eyebrows, soften your jaw,” she said quietly.

So… then I REALLY got the urge to push and I did.  “Lots of gentle blowing and breathing right now,” Khristeena reminded me.  Not much happened.  I realized that the baby was behind my pubic bone and Khristeena told me “maybe you should think about changing positions.”  I had been sitting upright and leaning against the back of the tub and I changed to leaning forward in a kind of hands and knees position, but more upright, with my arms straight in between my splayed knees.  I pushed again and felt the baby come waaaay down.  I felt inside and felt her head almost crowning, but as soon as I touched her, she flew back inside about two inches!  I bet the intact membranes sling-shotted her up. That was the craziest feeling!

 I had a few minutes rest in between rushes and Khristeena listened for heart tones.  I pushed again with the next contraction and she came right back down and I felt a pop. “My water just broke.”  I pushed again a few times during that surge and I yelled “Oh my GOSH!” at the top of my lungs as the baby moved down.  I felt the “ring of fire” very briefly.  It wasn’t nearly as bad in the water as it was during my first vaginal birth (still horribly uncomfortable, though! Haha).  I said “Oh, she’s crowning!” and then “video camera!” (haha) and I was assured that it was already on.  :)

“I’m stretching! Oh, she’s right there.”

With the next contraction, I made a ton of moaning/grunting/yelling/primal noises and pushed her out to her ears.  “Oh her HEAD’S OUT!” I yelled.  I took some deep breaths and tried to relax, telling myself the worst part was over.

I was wrong, haha.  The shoulders were the hardest part!  After a minute, with the next contraction, I pushed and said “Ow! Come on!” and felt her shoulders pop out and then it seemed like she was the longest baby in the history of the planet because I just kept feeling more and more baby coming out!  She was born at 11:27pm—only an hour since I was 6cms, and only 9 minutes since I was fully dilated!

“Ohhhh… Oh, where is she?” I flipped around to a sitting position from hands and knees and looked around for my baby.  It was dark and the water got “inky” as she was born from a gush of blood (from my tear) and I couldn’t see her right away!  I felt around and was ELATED to grab hold of my baby and bring her up on my abdomen.  I unwrapped a nuchal cord and brought her up closer to my chest.  She coughed a few times and just looked right up at me with her wide blue eyes.

“Oh, hi honey, good girl!”  She was so calm and peaceful, looking around the room, coughing every now and then.  My friends started a round of applause for her.  I thought I would recognize her in a way, but she looked so different than I imagined.  She was beautiful—strawberry blonde hair and bright blue eyes!  I just fell right in love.  After about a minute, she let out her first lusty cry—the most beautiful sound!  Everyone “ooh”ed and “ahh”ed over her.  I was so relieved to be holding her safely in my arms!!!

“I love you.  What a good girl!  Look how small you are!”  I was so shocked at her “petiteness.”  My first two children were both 9.5 pounds, and this little one was obviously much smaller than that!

“I just had a baby!  Oh my gosh, you are so cute!  Praise the LORD!  Look what Jesus made in my tummy!  You are such a miracle!”

The baby started coughing and bringing up some bubbles from her belly, and we just gently wiped them away.  “So gentle.  If we were in the hospital, I’d be messing with you!”  This is one of the main reasons why I chose homebirth.  As a newborn nurse, I know how annoying all the newborn procedures are for babies.  I love that my baby was born so peacefully and was able to transition smoothly without interference. 

We draped a blanket over her and then I offered my breast to her.  She took it almost immediately and began nursing.  Isaac and Khristeena began to drain some of the water out of the tub as our baby—Shiloh Lark—and I snuggled and nursed. 

After about 12 minutes, Khristeena asked if my cord was still pulsing.  I felt and it was.  Three minutes after that, I started to get very crampy and I had a gush of blood from the placenta separating.  “Can I deliver the placenta in the water?” I asked.  I seem to remember that it just kind of slid out after my last birth, but this time, it took a little more effort.  I pushed a few times, and felt very relieved when it was out.  Apparently, I had a “Duncan” presentation, where the maternal “sticky” side presents first.  Khristeena put the placenta in a glass bowl and set it floating on the water next to us.  It was so neat to see my baby’s home from the last 9 months.  I am just so in awe of God’s design!  It is truly miraculous. 

Annie brought me a chocolate chip cookie and the most delicious iced tea ever.  What a nice reward! 

Isaac clamped and cut the cord 51 minutes after birth.

After a nice, relaxing snuggle in the tub, it was time to get out and into the bed.  The baby went straight from my arms to her daddy’s arms as I was getting resettled.  What a lucky baby to have had such a gentle entrance into the world!  Her head was perfect—no bruising or swelling or molding whatsoever!

Khristeena checked me and told me I had only a small tear on the posterior wall of my vagina, which I decided to leave alone and not have stitched.  My perineum was completely intact, which blows my mind, considering how fast I pushed her out at the end.

The next few hours were passed blissfully snuggled in bed with the softest, fuzziest little baby who nursed like a pro and relaxed peacefully next to her mama and papa.  Her name, Shiloh, means “peace” or “tranquil” in Hebrew, and that suits her very well!  Shiloh, the Biblical city, was the center of Israelite worship before the temple was built in Jerusalem, and my Shiloh is definitely a reason to praise God!  Lark, her middle name, is because the songbird symbolizes springtime, joy, cheerfulness, and the coming of a new day in literature.  It seemed like a fitting name for my sweet rainbow baby!

After a few hours, it was time for the newborn exam!  My “small” baby girl was 8 lb 12 oz, and 20.5.”  She looked like a 40 week baby, with lots of vernix on her skin.  She didn’t look overdue at all.  She just needed an extra week to ripen.  :)

After I got up and used the bathroom a few times, ate a sandwich, and it was obvious that both baby and mom were doing well, my amazing birth team packed up and headed home.  It was about 2:30am.  I was WAY too excited to go to bed, so we looked through birth photos and watched our birth video right away.  Isaac laughed at me at one point for the horrible grimace on my face as I watched myself giving birth on the video!  What a surreal experience to actually watch your own body working so powerfully to bring a baby earthside!

It was honestly the most perfect birth that I could have imagined.  Powerful, strong, efficient, complication-free.  Totally physiologic.  Mama-led and empowering!  What a blessing!  Less than 7 hours total from first contraction to birth, and only about 3.5 hours of active/hard labor.

I am so happy to have met such a fantastic midwife and to have had such supportive friends.  This was the TOTAL OPPOSITE of my cesarean birth in so many ways.  Instead of feeling stripped of power, I was given total autonomy.  I was loved, cared for, and respected.  Who can ask for more?

Praise God for his hand of blessing, protection, and peace on this birth.  Words can’t even describe how happy I am with how lovely this birth turned out to be!  I am so incredibly overjoyed to have had this awesome experience.  While I don’t feel the need to ever go through it again (LOL), I will always look back with overwhelming happiness at my home water VBAC! 

Abruption

I read a lot of birthy things. Lots of birth stories, lots of books, lots of articles. I love Ina May. I love Jennifer Block. Peggy Vincent. Marsden Wagner. My facebook news feed is always full of mom and baby related articles. Rixa Freeze and Barbara Herrera feel like old friends sometimes because I read everything they write. And my own personal and professional experiences with pregnancy and birth have shaped me into quite the natural childbirth advocate and attachment parent.

I used Hypnobabies and loved it. I had my "Bubble of Peace" around me and truly believed that birth is beautiful, healthy, safe. I still do believe it is inherently safe for most women. I've already decided that if we have any more kiddos, I'm definitely birthing at home.

However.... every now and then... something happens to keep you grounded.

A mom comes to the hospital at 10 cm dilated, ready to deliver. She wanted a natural and unmedicated birth, and had labored at home all day. When she finally arrived- fully and bulging- she was in so much pain that she could hardly move. Bag of waters breaks- clear fluid- and head began to crown. Baby's head born. Baby is white. Neonatology paged STAT. Baby born... gush of blood. Blood. More blood. Baby is limp. PPV on the warmer. Neo comes and intubates. No time to put ID bands on or give baby meds or do footprints. Baby is immediately transported to NICU where baby is transfused. It takes 7 people to stabilize this full term newborn.

It's scary situations like these that make you go home and hug your kids close and say to yourself: "I am SO SO SO lucky."

There was really not much warning for this abruption. Sometimes things happen in birth... and I'm just so glad for the quick thinking of the staff that night. It could have been much worse. :(

Of course, for 99% of the population, laboring at home would be a good idea. I stayed home with my VBAC baby until I was 9.5 cm. It's a fantastic way to reduce unnecessary intervention. As much as I believe in birth and in its "normalcy," it is still a complex and not completely understood physiological process and there is no way to control or predict how things will turn out.

It's because of stories like these that I always say a little prayer on the way to every birth I attend. "Jesus, PLEASE help this baby come out safely and transition smoothly! Protect and preserve this little life."

Amen!

What Natural Birth feels like

Its only 8 weeks since my last birth, but I've already forgotten what labor feels like! I love "labor amnesia!" That amazing hormone cocktail that is released after birth is strong stuff!

A lot of my mom-friends love their epidurals and are deathly afraid of natural birth. My goal today is to show you there's nothing to be afraid of. It's not *that* bad! I loved my natural birth!

(disclaimer: these descriptions are what I felt. All labors are a little bit different and not every woman is the same)

I'll try to remember and accurately describe what birth felt like to me:

Natural Labor Contractions: an intense pressure. I wouldn't even call it "pain" because there is nothing sharp about it- just intense pressure. It is uncomfortable, but the sensations have purpose and there is nothing to fear and they won't harm your body. They come in waves, starting gradually and building in intensity until they peak and then lose intensity again. It started at the top of my uterus and then spread downward until it covered my entire abdomen (I've heard most women say that it started at the bottom and worked its way up, though). For me, my contractions started 2-3 minutes apart with a 1 minute break in between. They continued in that pattern the entire labor, only increasing in intensity for several hours, and then it was very repetitive and predictable. I knew exactly what to expect and feel with each new contraction and could practice and perfect the right coping technique for me. A few hours into it, and I had mastered the contractions. I had back labor for the first half, and that just felt like a strong back ache with some shooting sensations down my hips and legs (very uncomfortable, but again, it was predictable and thus, manageable). I still felt the majority of the contractions in the front over my entire abdomen.

Rupture of membranes: my water broke spontaneously with my first labor. It literally felt and sounded like a "POP!" like when you pop bubble wrap. My water was broken by my midwife (amniotomy) with my second labor and I didn't feel anything (it just felt like a normal vaginal exam) until the warm water started rushing out.

Pushing: AMAZING! I loved pushing. It was incredible. The discomfort from my contractions subsided when I pushed. It was so powerful. It felt so "right". There was no way I couldn't push at that point! My body just took over. Be prepared to make some interesting "primal" noises!

Crowning: BURNING! That is all I can say. This was the only point in my labor that it actually "hurt." The good news is: it's over with very quickly! Even if the baby is born slowly, after only a few minutes of crowing, your vaginal tissue stretches and the burning subsides. Do some prenatal perineal massage ahead of time and you'll get a glimpse of what it will feel like.

Birth: All the pain vanishes. It's crazy. As soon as the baby is out, your perineum is just kind of numb. And the euphoria of birth takes over. Your body literally produces its own anesthesia!

Third Stage: pushing the placenta out was a piece of cake. It just felt like a big clot coming out. Everything is still so open and stretched and kind of numb from the birth. I barely even noticed it.

Suturing: My midwife gave me a shot of local before suturing my tiny 1st degree tear. The shot wasn't that big of a deal- I was too busy fawning over my baby!

Afterbirth contractions: These are the contractions you get after the baby is born to shrink the uterus back down and close off blood vessels. They usually get stronger with each baby. These were just as strong and intense as labor contractions and I would get them on and off for the first two days. Be prepared to relax and breathe through them! In a way, they were actually worse than labor contractions because I didn't know when they were coming and they weren't predictable.


I used a self-hypnosis program called Hypnobabies which REALLY helped me cope and relax through labor. I highy recommend Hypnobabies for all moms who want a natural birth. I will discuss the program in a future post. Hypnobabies helped me to alleviate my fears about natural birth and the self-hypnosis techniques that it teaches helped me to experience the contractions as only pressure and not pain. Pretty awesome!

my glorious hospital VBAC birth story

My daughter's birth story begins two years ago when my son was born. Big brother, Judah, arrived in 8/08 via emergency C-Section after a grueling pitocin induction and three hours of pushing. I struggled for a long time emotionally with what had happened. See Judah's birth story for more details.

So when I first became pregnant with Galilee, I prayed a lot about whether to pursue a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean). I knew deep down that I really wanted it, and research shows that in most cases, it is a much safer option for both mom and baby. 60 to 80% of women who attempt VBAC are successful. However, very few women attempt it. Nationally, only 9% of women who have had previous c-sections actually go on to have a VBAC.

I would soon discover why this is the case: I had to fight every step of the way for my chance for a trial of labor! Even my co-workers (who are all neonatal or labor and delivery nurses) were against it. Many people cautioned: "just don't do anything that could harm the baby!" (What a silly thing to say to a mom... of course I wouldn't!). A lot of well-meaning friends were worried about how I would react to another emergency C/S if I did have a trial of labor that didn't end well. When I finally met with an actual physician at my OB practice and discussed the possibility of VBAC, she completely blew me off, using fear tactics and incorrect statistics to steer me toward a "controlled and relaxing" repeat c-section. I was disgusted with how she responded and promptly decided to leave that group in search of more supportive care givers. I was already 28 weeks pregnant, but it wound up being one of the best decisions I ever made!

I spent a lot of time on the internet researching VBACs and the risks and benefits, and while uterine rupture is a serious risk for VBAC moms with potentially deadly consequences, the risk is less than 1%. This is the same percentage of risk for uterine rupture for first time moms undergoing a standard pitocin induction, which happens EVERY DAY. I simply don't understand why there is so much controversy surrounding VBAC. Vaginal delivery is a natural process; if a woman can avoid undergoing unnecessary major surgery, then she should be able to!  [ETA 5/17/2017: risk of UR in unscarred induced uteri is 2.2 in 10,000 vs 64 per 10,000 in scarred induced uteri per VBACfacts.com http://vbacfacts.com/2012/01/16/myth-unscarred-mom-induced-as-likely-as-vbac-mom-to-rupture-2/]

I knew I had to go to a midwife. I contacted several people online who had posted VBAC birth stories from around Buffalo and asked for their care-giver recommendations. Many people suggested I go to the Nurse Midwifery Associates of WNY. This was such a confirmation to me- I had already been thinking of calling them. I saw them for the first half of my first pregnancy, and they were phenomenal.

My first visit with them was fantastic. All three of the midwives saw me and gave me huge hugs and asked how I was doing. It felt like a family reunion. We were off to a great start! I immediately felt at ease and at peace. I completely trusted these women.

Toward the end of my pregnancy, I had to go in for a "VBAC- consult" with a physician, since the midwives were not allowed to go over the consents with me. I think it is ridiculous, by the way, that VBACs need physician-obtained consents, but elective repeat cesareans do not! I was scheduled for an appointment at the Children's Hospital Women's Clinic, but since Sisters Hospital medical records had never faxed over my OR Report from my C/S, they couldn't do the appointment. I had waited for 2 hours in the waiting room while they tried to get Sisters to re-fax the report. Nothing. I went back the following week and waited another hour, before finally getting seen by a resident for 5 minutes. She basically told me everything I already knew and told me that because I was a VBAC, I would be monitored very closely, and that anyone at any point could call a C/S during my labor. This was not a comforting thing to hear! But after all I had been through, I was committed to my VBAC.

My due date came and went. At my next midwife appointment (40 weeks and 2 days), I was told that the hospital had recently had a case of uterine rupture in a VBAC mom who was induced with pitocin. (SCARY!). Because of this, the policy had now changed, and "overdue" moms who had had previous cesareans could not be induced. The midwives, after conferring together and with me, decided that we would wait one more week to see if I would spontaneously go into labor, and if I didn't, I would have a repeat c-section. The surgery was scheduled for Monday, June 14th, at 9am.

I had a 41 week sonogram scheduled for Friday afternoon. The baby looked great, but was measuring very large! They estimated that she was 10 lb 5 oz!!!!!

By Friday night (6/11), I was starting to get very anxious about going into labor. Physically, I felt great. I loved being pregnant and could go another week easily if I had to. But, knowing that I had a "deadline" made me very nervous. I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would start my labor. I called the midwives and left a message, tearfully requesting that they give me more time. I was desperate. I did not want another c-section!

But then- praise the Lord!- I started having regular contractions on Saturday afternoon at 2:45 pm (one week "overdue"). My mom came to pick up Judah at about 5. I still wasn't sure if this was "it" or not, since I had had several periods of regular "pressure waves" lasting several hours all week. They were lasting about a minute and were 2-3 minutes apart. They just continued on in the same pattern, but increasing with intensity over the next few hours. By 8:45 pm, I was positive that this was labor. Isaac was busy cleaning up the house and packing up the car, while I tried to cope with the pressure waves.

See part 2 for the rest!

my glorious hospital VBAC birth story, part 2

In the 6 weeks prior to the birth, I began to prepare for labor by using a home-study childbirth education program called Hypnobabies (which I HIGHLY recommend for anyone interested in natural childbirth). It covered all sorts of topics regarding childbirth, including how to write birth plans, how to choose care givers, nutrition, breastfeeding, stages of labor, signs of labor, etc. It is also a program that teaches various self-hypnosis cues and techniques that bring the mother into deep states of relaxation to help them have more comfortable births. Every night, I listened to a different half hour hypnosis recording to practice the techniques, and every day I would listen to a recording of positive pregnancy affirmations. The program was awesome- it retrains moms to look at pregnancy and birth as normal and healthy and to create a "bubble of peace" around them to block out negativity about birth. This was actually extremely helpful in my quest for VBAC. It kept me focused on the positives of natural childbirth.

By 9pm, 6 hours into labor, I began to lose focus and started having a lot of trouble relaxing. I wasn't using my self-hypnosis, and the pressure waves began to overwhelm me. The baby was posterior (facing front- she should be facing my back) and I began to have a lot of pain in my low back and down my hips. I began to cry out and tense my body with each contraction. We decided to call Martha the midwife. She told me very honestly: "Sigrid, once you get to the hospital, I can't bend any rules for you. You will have to be monitored. I don't want you to get here and be disappointed if you're not dilating. I don't want the hospital getting anxious about your VBAC. Jump in the shower and stay in there until the hot water runs out. Stay home as LONG as you can. Call me when you're ready to come in-- I'm only a few minutes from the hospital." I was starting to get nervous about how long I'd be able to last-- the contractions were every two minutes, lasting a minute long.

My husband, Isaac set my birthing ball in the tub and I labored in the shower on the ball with Isaac spraying my low back with hot water. He set up my iPod in the dock and I listened to my hypnobabies birthing day affirmations and refocused my attention on relaxing with each pressure wave. The difference was AMAZING! As long as I could FOCUS my complete attention on relaxing, the pain went away, and all I felt was the pressure. I put my "mental lightswitch" into the "center" position (a hypnobabies technique) and just kept repeating this little script over and over in my head with every pressure wave: "Peace, peace, peace... more and more powerful hypno-anesthesia surrounding my baby with each breath I exhale. Each pressure wave brings me deeper and deeper into relaxation and comfort. With each powerful pressure wave, I dilate twice as open as before. Open, open, open...." The length of time that it took me to say this to myself was exactly the length of each pressure wave. As I said these words in my head, I pictured myself painting on a cool blue paint of anesthesia over my uterus. It's incredible: the mind-body connection! It REALLY helped! I'm convinced that I would not have been able to cope if I hadn't been using these self-hypnosis techniques!

I stayed in the shower for over two hours. By about 11:30, the hot water ran out (I'm SO GRATEFUL to God that the water stayed warm as long as it did!). I got out of the shower and- PRAISE GOD!!!!- I felt the baby turn around from posterior to anterior!!!! This was very uncomfortable for me, but a huge blessing. One of the major reasons why Judah was a c-section, was because he was posterior and his head couldn't fit well through my bones. I was so nervous about having a hard time birthing Lilee because of position, but she rotated!!!

I spent the next few hours "in the zone" using my hypnobabies cues and techniques, pacing the hall, and just repeating my little birth script over and over in my head. Isaac wanted to help me, but I just really needed to focus all of my attention on relaxing. I was SO GLAD to be in my own home with no distractions.

I tried to lay down to rest, but laying down on my side was the most uncomfortable position during contractions. I really had to stand and sway my hips or walk up and down the hall.

FINALLY, at almost 3am, I told Isaac- "let's go to the hospital". I was absolutely exhausted and I was desperate to find out how much progress I had made. I had been in labor for 12 hours already. We called Martha and she told us she would meet us at the hospital. Looking back, I think I was probably in "transformation" (transition) at this point.

It was raining outside. Isaac loaded the car with all our bags and then helped me walk out. I had to stop and just stand in the rain during each pressure wave. It was a very peaceful night. The rain was refreshing. The drive to the hospital was less than 5 minutes, but then we didn't know where to park! Isaac just left the car by the ER entrance and helped me walk in the doors. A nurse saw us and asked if I needed a wheelchair. I nodded my head. I felt like such a zombie. I was totally exhausted and so relaxed and quiet. I wondered if people could even tell if I was in labor.

We got to Labor and Delivery and Isaac gave our pre-registration forms to the desk. They wheeled us to a birthing room and they hooked me up to a monitor, asked me to give a urine sample, and started my hep trap. The nurse asked questions about the labor and I answered very calmly between contractions. She seemed very surprised that they were so close together. I just put my head down and stopped talking when I would get one. Martha arrived about 20 minutes later and at about 4am, she checked me. "Sigrid!" she exclaimed. "There's a HEAD! You're only a rim! You're 9.5 cm!" The nurse looked surprised as well. "You've got the demeanor of a mom who is only 2cm. I thought maybe you were 5cm at the most... but 9.5! Good job!"

I continued to labor on a birthing ball, leaning over the bed for the next hour. I got up to use the bathroom, and was surprised to feel "pushy". They had me get back in the bed. Martha asked if she could release my bag of waters. I said yes... which surprised me because I had been so adamant about not having artificial rupture of membranes as I had been preparing my birth plan. I just completely trusted Martha (who has literally attended thousands of births-- she stopped counting ten years ago when she hit 2,000). We were both extremely relieved and surprised that the amniotic fluid was clear! We both for sure thought that a big overdue baby would have had meconium in the water (which can cause respiratory problems at birth). Once Martha saw that it was clear, she seemed much more relaxed and told me that I could just take my time and push my baby out. It was SUCH a relief to have my water broken. Ironically, there was just about as much fluid as I had with Judah- and he was induced for LOW fluid levels, and Lilee was monitored extra carefully this pregnancy for HIGH fluid levels! Just goes to show that sonography isn't an exact science!

I began pushing at about 5am. It felt SO GOOD. It was amazing the difference between natural childbirth pushing and epidural pushing. With Judah, I pushed for three hours, but couldn't feel my contractions, couldn't feel any progress, and really didn't know what I was doing. With Lilee-- I could feel everything, but in a good way. I knew exactly how far down she was, and it really wasn't at all painful-- it was relieving. I was just shocked with the sheer POWER of my pushing. I began making all sorts of loud and crazy noises- not out of pain, but from the power of it all! We were playing the Hypnobabies Pushing Baby Out track, which seemed to bring a relaxing atmosphere into the room, but my body just took over and I felt like I HAD to "purple push," instead of breathing her down. My body was working so powerfully; it felt very raw and primal. Martha was very encouraging during this time and guided me through my pushing efforts while making me feel like I was still in control. Ironically, I was sitting on the bed in a semi-lithotomy position--exactly the position I thought I wanted to avoid, but now, it felt the most comfortable.

I began to feel the baby crowing. I got very distracted by these strange new sensations, and began to lose focus on my relaxation. The burning feeling was very intense, and Isaac told me later that this was the only time during the labor that I said "this hurts!" Martha was very patient with me and used a lot of oil and massage to help stretch me. I remember hearing Isaac say "wow" to himself as he watched his daughter's head come into view, and this gave me a lot of hope and joy. Martha invited me to reach down and feel my baby as she was crowing, but I felt like I couldn't move my body at all or I would lose control and not be able to cope with the intensity of it all!

Isaac said that it was amazing to watch the birth. He commented, though, that he was skeptical that it would actually happen until Lilee's head was out! We had been to this point before-- Judah's head was visible before the C/S was called. I admit that I was also a little skeptical. When Martha said that her head was out, I didn't believe her! I don't think I believed that it was actually happening until the baby was in my arms! A few pushes later and I felt a slight "pop" as her body slid out.

At 5:48am, Galilee June was born. I will never ever forget the incredible feeling of holding my slimy naked newborn on my belly immediately after birth. "We did it, baby!!! I love you so much!!! You did such a good job! You helped Mama so much! We did it!" I just kept telling this precious little pink and crying baby in my arms. All the hurt and disappointment and frustration from Judah's birth was completely erased in that moment. I appreciated this so much more because of my past experience. I felt completely new and fresh and liberated... like a "real woman." I felt SO GOOD!!!

Isaac cut the cord and I just kept kissing Lilee's forehead. She was so soft and beautiful.

"I love you Martha!" I exclaimed. "I love you, too, Isaac!" "I love you, Shawna!" I said to the nurse. I was just so OVERWHELMED with emotion. I began to sing "Praise the name of Jesus! Praise the name of Jesus! He's my rock! He's my fortress, he's my deliverer, in him shall I trust! Praise the name of Jesus."

Lilee was 9 lb 7.8 oz and 20" long. Her head was perfect- no moulding, bruising, or swelling! Martha commented that she came down absolutely in perfect position- another huge answer to prayer! For a 9 1/2 pound baby, I only tore a tiny bit... Martha commented that she was sorry I even got that much, and that it wasn't Lilee's head that did any damage- it was her huge belly! Shawna, the nurse, told me that my birth was textbook- it was like watching the video on natural childbirth. The way the baby came down slowly and gently was exactly how it was supposed to be. My body works just fine, thank you very much! I wanted to shout "haha, I told you so!" to my OB-GYN who said that I probably couldn't push out a "larger than average" baby and wanted me to have a repeat cesarean.

I feel so blessed to have had such a fabulous midwife and nurse with me at the birth. The entire time I was at the hospital, things felt very peaceful (except for when we first walked in and heard lots of loud screaming from the other birthing rooms!). There was only Isaac, myself, Martha, my nurse, and the baby nurse (who is actually a friend of mine!) at the delivery, and the lights were dim and everyone spoke in soft voices. At one point, Martha actually shooed a medical student who came in to watch the birth out of the room! What a difference from my first labor- then it seemed like there were a dozen people in the room yelling at me to "PUSH!" before I was whisked off to the OR for my C/S. This time around, things were so much more personal and intimate. It was beautiful.

I tried nursing Lilee, but she was having a bit of a hard time with her respirations- grunting, flaring, retracting. They had to take her up to the nursery a little bit early to monitor her better. She wound up in the nursery for the next 31 hours before they could bring her out to my room. Luckily, I was able to go and nurse her and cuddle her every few hours in a little private room near the nursery with her on pulse oximetry. It was a blessing in disguise-- Isaac and I were able to rest in between feedings. I know I would never have been able to send her back to the nursery between feeds if I had a choice! Lilee's respiratory problems resolved, and she is totally healthy now. And, through it all, the Lord gave me such a peace about her health- I wasn't at all worried; I knew she would be ok.

Recovery wasn't so fun (My upper body was very sore from tensing while pushing, and I was just physically exhausted from labor. My hormones were crazy too, causing me to be freezing cold and shivering one hour, and sweating and boiling hot the next), but I felt a thousand times better emotionally than I did with Judah. I felt so grateful and so satisfied. I was soaring! A week later, and I'm still so super charged on this emotional high! When I think about how blessed I am to have had such an incredible birth experience and to finally be healed from the emotional scars from my c-section, I just feel like dancing and singing!

The Lord answers prayers. He was merciful to me and gave me the desire of my heart. I was able to birth my daughter completely naturally! With Judah, I had pretty much every single intervention imaginable (cervidil, pitocin, constant fetal monitoring, epidural, cesarean...). What a completely different experience! And she came at the right time- I had a c-section scheduled for the next morning!!!

We've been having so much fun at home as a family of four. Judah is a fabulous brother and loves his sister so much. He kisses her, pets her, and talks to her, calling her "Gadeedee." She is absolutely adorable and I still can't believe that I'm lucky enough to be her mom! Isaac and I feel incredibly close, now, too. Going through such an intense and personal experience like natural childbirth together really deepens a relationship! I love him so much, and I'm grateful for all his support throughout my VBAC journey!

The Lord is faithful!