Friday, December 9, 2011

"God won't give you more than you can handle"

PLEASE no one ever say this to me again!

I've heard this phrase countless times since my first miscarriage.

It's NOT Biblical. No, I CAN'T "handle it." I NEED to rely on God! I am nothing without him.

Michelle Duggar loses baby

My heart broke when I read that news.

The Duggars announced they were expecting their 20th child on the day I realized I was miscarrying my second baby. I was so bitter about it. If she could have so many healthy pregnancies, why couldn't I? I felt like the world was rubbing salt into my wounds. I was jealous.

And now...? Poor Michelle. Miscarriage is horrible, regardless of how many children you already have. Each miscarriage is a baby lost. So sad.

And to everyone saying "she shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place!"-- shut your mouth! How incredibly insensitive to judge someone in their time of grief! When I told a select few about my fourth pregnancy last month and how I was bleeding and anxious-- my "friends" told me "Well, are you even allowed to get pregnant so soon? What are you doing having another baby already?!" Those insensitivies were absolutely terrible to hear. I felt like I was being kicked while I was down. I was sharing vulnerable information with a few friends, and instead of receiving support, I was hit with rudeness and condescension. I felt shamed instead of supported.

Research shows that women who conceive again within 6 months of the first miscarriage are more likely to have successful pregnancies than women who conceive after 6 months. Most physicians recommend waiting 3 months or at least one good menstrual cycle before conceiving after a loss... not that I have to defend myself, but I did those things... And unfortunately, I had really bad luck! What would they have said if the pregnancy was successful?? Probably: "Oh congratulations! God is blessing you!" So hypocritical.

Ugh. I feel like I will never be able to enjoy a pregnancy again. I will constantly be feeling anxiety and I will forever be afraid to share anything with anyone again, lest I receive horrible and insensitive comments.

If you know someone who has had recurrent pregnancy losses-- keep your mouth shut, except for the old standby: "I'm so sorry! I'm here to listen if you want to talk."