Abruption

I read a lot of birthy things. Lots of birth stories, lots of books, lots of articles. I love Ina May. I love Jennifer Block. Peggy Vincent. Marsden Wagner. My facebook news feed is always full of mom and baby related articles. Rixa Freeze and Barbara Herrera feel like old friends sometimes because I read everything they write. And my own personal and professional experiences with pregnancy and birth have shaped me into quite the natural childbirth advocate and attachment parent.

I used Hypnobabies and loved it. I had my "Bubble of Peace" around me and truly believed that birth is beautiful, healthy, safe. I still do believe it is inherently safe for most women. I've already decided that if we have any more kiddos, I'm definitely birthing at home.

However.... every now and then... something happens to keep you grounded.

A mom comes to the hospital at 10 cm dilated, ready to deliver. She wanted a natural and unmedicated birth, and had labored at home all day. When she finally arrived- fully and bulging- she was in so much pain that she could hardly move. Bag of waters breaks- clear fluid- and head began to crown. Baby's head born. Baby is white. Neonatology paged STAT. Baby born... gush of blood. Blood. More blood. Baby is limp. PPV on the warmer. Neo comes and intubates. No time to put ID bands on or give baby meds or do footprints. Baby is immediately transported to NICU where baby is transfused. It takes 7 people to stabilize this full term newborn.

It's scary situations like these that make you go home and hug your kids close and say to yourself: "I am SO SO SO lucky."

There was really not much warning for this abruption. Sometimes things happen in birth... and I'm just so glad for the quick thinking of the staff that night. It could have been much worse. :(

Of course, for 99% of the population, laboring at home would be a good idea. I stayed home with my VBAC baby until I was 9.5 cm. It's a fantastic way to reduce unnecessary intervention. As much as I believe in birth and in its "normalcy," it is still a complex and not completely understood physiological process and there is no way to control or predict how things will turn out.

It's because of stories like these that I always say a little prayer on the way to every birth I attend. "Jesus, PLEASE help this baby come out safely and transition smoothly! Protect and preserve this little life."

Amen!

weeping

I had a sudden "attack" of weepiness yesterday regarding my c-section. It has been two years. When will this end?

It's amazing to me how completely and totally that one day has changed my life. I get so frustrated when people just brush cesareans off like they are no big deal, that they are "just another way to give birth." WRONG! I didn't birth my son. He was ripped from me. Unnecessarily. It isn't just the section that frustrates me. It's all the events that led up to it. If I hadn't gone for my biophysical profile, they wouldn't have noticed the "low fluid". AFI is a tricky thing to measure by sonogram. If the fluid is on the inside of the uterus, between the baby and the interior wall, it won't be seen and won't be measurable by sono. It just makes me so mad that there was this tiny excuse that they found to induce me. I had a perfect pregnancy and I was young and healthy. And I am so mad at myself for letting them do it. I wanted to leave, but they manipulated me by saying I would be "discharged AMA" and that "if anything happened to your baby, it would be your fault." Disgusting.

The induction led to the epidural, which led the the c/s. I know from my second birth that I had absolutely no problem at all birthing a big baby. I know I could have done it. Why did I let them mess with my body????

My son's birth broke me. I felt assaulted and victimized. Strapped down, naked, to a metal table with bright spotlights shining on my most private parts while a dozen people file into the room. A drape is set up in front of me-- was it to shield me from the surgery or was it to dehumanize the section for the surgeon? I felt so alone as I was cut open, my uterus taken out of my body.

Even before the actual surgery, when I was pushing in the labor room-- there were two nurses, a midwife, an OBGYN, and a med student all yelling at me to "PUSH," again with my naked body exposed to the world with spotlights and an open door. Strangers could have walked right in. How humiliating. I didn't at all feel like a person. I felt like a just another patient on a birth assembly line. "Let's just get her delivered!"

This DISGUSTS me! I thought that my beautiful birth with my VBAC victory baby would have helped me heal. But, now I know how AMAZING natural birth can be. And I feel even worse that I missed out on that with my son. That experience was stolen from me. And instead, I struggled with a very difficult physical and emotional recovery. And... in some ways, I will never recover.

Patient Story: Repeat C/S gone wrong

I met a very nice couple who had recently birthed their second baby. The baby was perfect and just so sweet. The mom, however, was very very frustrated with her experience and when I found out why, I was so so sad for her.

She had a routine scheduled repeat c-section. Not an emergency. No rush. It was supposed to be "controlled" and "relaxed". However, during the surgery, the mother apparently overheard her OB telling the resident "No! Stop! You're cutting too much!" which, as you can imagine, was very distressing for this poor mother who was strapped down, helpless, to the operating table. Apparently, the bladder was cut. In a botched attempt to repair the damage, the bladder was accidentally sutured to the uterus (how does that happen????). They didn't realize the mistake until the day after the birth, when the mom complained of tremendous pain and had terrible hematuria. Her foley bag was bright red with blood. They took her back in, opened her back up, and fixed the misplaced suture. This was quite the traumatic experience for the mom, who then had to pump and dump her breast milk because the antibiotic she is on (adding insult to injury).

I just feel so sorry for her. This never should have happened.

Cesareans are major surgeries. Risks are very real.