Friday, December 9, 2011

Michelle Duggar loses baby

My heart broke when I read that news.

The Duggars announced they were expecting their 20th child on the day I realized I was miscarrying my second baby. I was so bitter about it. If she could have so many healthy pregnancies, why couldn't I? I felt like the world was rubbing salt into my wounds. I was jealous.

And now...? Poor Michelle. Miscarriage is horrible, regardless of how many children you already have. Each miscarriage is a baby lost. So sad.

And to everyone saying "she shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place!"-- shut your mouth! How incredibly insensitive to judge someone in their time of grief! When I told a select few about my fourth pregnancy last month and how I was bleeding and anxious-- my "friends" told me "Well, are you even allowed to get pregnant so soon? What are you doing having another baby already?!" Those insensitivies were absolutely terrible to hear. I felt like I was being kicked while I was down. I was sharing vulnerable information with a few friends, and instead of receiving support, I was hit with rudeness and condescension. I felt shamed instead of supported.

Research shows that women who conceive again within 6 months of the first miscarriage are more likely to have successful pregnancies than women who conceive after 6 months. Most physicians recommend waiting 3 months or at least one good menstrual cycle before conceiving after a loss... not that I have to defend myself, but I did those things... And unfortunately, I had really bad luck! What would they have said if the pregnancy was successful?? Probably: "Oh congratulations! God is blessing you!" So hypocritical.

Ugh. I feel like I will never be able to enjoy a pregnancy again. I will constantly be feeling anxiety and I will forever be afraid to share anything with anyone again, lest I receive horrible and insensitive comments.

If you know someone who has had recurrent pregnancy losses-- keep your mouth shut, except for the old standby: "I'm so sorry! I'm here to listen if you want to talk."

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